Cadbury Bombs

My earliest recollection of the London Underground comes from childhood visits to the fog capital of the world. I distinctly remember following my parents in a labyrinth of narrow underground pathways as they rushed to catch the next tube on the Piccadilly line.“All we have to do is follow the blue line” I heard my father say to himself reassuringly as he attempted to decipher the seemingly complicated London Underground system. Meanwhile, my eyes were darting everywhere in search of another blue object of comfort: a Cadbury vending machine.

A common fixture, Cadbury machines were as much a part of the underground as trains and people. As sure as old Big Ben, you will always find at least one at each terminal. These machines had a near Pavlovian effect on me. I always found solace within the blue folds of a dairy milk chocolate bar of Cadbury.

I wonder if the London subway bombers stopped for a Cadbury before embarking on their fatal mission.

The atrocious bombings of July 7 and subsequent ripple effects are far too complex to explain in terms of sugar, nuts, milk, and cocoa. However, can we not look beyond the wrapper and view Cadbury as a symbol? Bush and Blair have been touting that terrorism around the world targets “our way of life”. For Americans, this way of life has been symbolized by fast food and 8-cylinder gas-guzzling SUVs. Similarly, I propose that Cadbury carries the same symbolism for the Brits.

It’s all a matter of perspective, really. To those who believe in equality, freedom, and democracy, Cadbury machines in the underground are a symbol of equality to all. The machines dispense their chocolaty goodness to those who seek it regardless of race, color, age, social or economic standing. For those with a bone to pick, the machine can be perceived to symbolize corporate dominance exerting its undue presence in an oppressive capitalist world.

Sadly, the explosions sent pieces of chocolate in everyone’s face. You see, bombs, much like Cadbury machines, do not discriminate either. Having been educated in the UK, the bombers understood the true meaning of being politically correct. The bombs tore into men and women alike, Muslims and non-Muslims, whites, blacks, yellows, and in-betweens. Thank you for including us all in your hit list Muhammad, Shehzad, Hasib, and Germaine!

Despite the tragedies, I have faith in Cadbury. I am sure a council of Cadbury elders is congregating as we speak in a secret Cadbury underground lair hidden deep within the mountains of the Swiss Alps (I believe the lair is in Switzerland because they have a lot of cows there, which is good for chocolate. Gateway Computer’s underground lair is there too.). These elders are doing their best to reconcile the damages and are devising plans to erect newer, bigger, better, bomb-resisting Cadbury machines to replace the old machines in the underground.

The new machines will be loaded with the latest anti-terrorism technology, and updated regularly via wireless connection with profiles of suspected terrorists. When a suspect comes within a pre-defined radius, the machines will be configured to shoot high-precision pennies from their coin slots in an attempt to immobilize the suspect while an internal blue-tooth communicator dials the police. We should all send thank you cards to Switzerland.

The aftermath of the bombings carries much pain. Religious hate crimes increased by 600% while the Muslim community is trying, in vain, to disappear in shadows of shame. These alleged “Muslim freedom fighters” have embarrassed us all.

However, I will not let my memories be marred by bloody images. The underground remains to be a place of fond memories, and delicious Cadbury bars.